Sunday, May 18, 2008

From My Instructor

Ten additional steps you can take to help your child develop a positive self-image from The Child Development Institute:

1 - Teach children to change their demands to preferences. Point out to children that there is no reason they must get everything they want and that they need not feel angry either. Encourage them to work against anger by setting a good example and by reinforcing them when they display appropriate irritation rather than anger
2 - Encourage your children to ask for what they want assertively, pointing out that there is no guarantee that they will get it. Reinforce them for asking and avoid anticipating their desires.
3 - Let children know they create and are responsible for any feeling they experience. Likewise, they are not responsible for others' feelings. Avoid blaming children for how you feel.
4 - Encourage your children to develop hobbies and interests which give them pleasure and which they can pursue independently.
5 - Let children settle their own disputes between siblings and friends alike.
6 - Help your children develop "tease tolerance" by pointing out that some teasing can't hurt. Help children learn to cope with teasing by ignoring it while using positive self-talk such as "names can never hurt me," "teases have no power over me," and "if I can resist this tease, then I'm building emotional muscle."
7 - Help children learn to focus on their strengths by pointing out to them all the things they can do.
8 - Encourage your children to behave toward themselves the way they'd like their friends to behave toward them.
9 - Help your children think in terms of alternative options and possibilities rather than depending upon one option for satisfaction. A child who has only one friend and loses that friend is friendless. However, a child who has many friends and loses one, still has many. This same principle holds true in many different areas. Whenever you think there is only one thing which can satisfy you, you limit your potential for being satisfied! The more you help your children realize that there are many options in every situation, the more you increase their potential for satisfaction.
10 - Laugh with your children and encourage them to laugh at themselves. People who take themselves very seriously are undoubtedly decreasing their enjoyment in life. A good sense of humor and the ability to make light of life are important ingredients for increasing one's overall enjoyment.

Child Development Institute (n.d.) Retrieved on March 1, 2008 from


ladys luck said...

I always am aware that my own opinions may not agree with every professional's opinion. While I agree with most, leave children to settle their own disputes without appropriate guidance is not one of them. I think helping increase their awareness of acceptable behavior and desirable character traits will give them tools to deal with disputes effectively.

Love you! Momba

Bonster & Family said...

I agree w/you Momba, they still need appropriate guidance, but as they get older they don't need to have every dispute fixed by an adult, they can work stuff out on their own after they have, like you said, become aware of what acceptable behavior and desirable character traits are and when they have become to know how to deal with disputes.
I started making the boys work some of their little fights out by themselves, not the big ones, but the little ones they have and it has been good for them.
I think you Are one who can be considered a professional when it comes to children!
Love you!